National Coming Out Day. 2011.

First of all: This post is going to talk about Sexuality. So don't read it if that freaks you out.


Well, it's National Coming Out Day.
Every year this day is a sort of weird internal struggle for me. For a long time, I've struggled with how to define my own sexuality. There are so many adjectives today describing sexual states of being (Just look at how long the LGBTQQ...2...A...A etc. acronym is getting!) and yet, somehow I still don't feel that one of those perfectly describes me. So, as somebody who finds themselves attracted to both sexes at an uneven ratio, who's sort of confused, I guess that would put me at that second Q or ?, Questioning. But as a white, sort-of-straight girl, I don't really feel like I should even be able to "come out." That to me is something private and important for people who actually have an idea of where they fall on the sexual spectrum. I don't want to steal anyone's thunder, and what do you say in my situation anyway? "In honor of Coming Out Day, I thought I'd let everyone know that I'm totally confused. Carry On."

To those brave enough to come out today, Thank you. I admire your courage. Keep on keepin' on. To those of you who are a little confused, like me, well...I guess we just keep trying to figure ourselves out.

Meanwhile. A rant on bisexuality stereotypes.
There are two prevailing stereotypes in American society about people who are bisexual. That they are either gay men, who are transitioning into being "fully out of the closet" or straight women who seek attention from straight men by kissing other straight girls.

Can we please let that die? It's a truly disrespectful response to someone who has been brave enough to express their true sexuality. While I won't say that those kinds of people aren't out there, it is not the majority. Bisexuality does exist. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's not real.

Sorry for taking up your time with my confused rantings. I told you you didn't have to read this.

Post-Graduate Musings

Well, avid readers, it's been almost two years since my last post. When I think about what I was doing two years ago, it makes me unbelievably sad and disappointed about where I am now. Not that my life is so bad or horrible or anything, it's just that...to go from romping about Europe, totally free and independent, surrounded by art and 2000 years worth of civilization, to moving back in with my parents in Tacoma, Washington is a little depressing. It all comes down to money, I suppose. Which is, I think, the biggest lesson I'm drawing from le real world, you gotta get the dolla dolla bills. So, now I'm living with my parents, working three jobs, trying simultaneously to further my theatrical career (gotta buff up my grad school application)and move out of my childhood home. Not that living at home is torturous, in a lot of ways it's really nice. Not having to pay rent, for example, is enough of an incentive to stay with my parents indefinitely. I just feel that, at this point in my life, it's not conducive to my growing and changing. Something I really miss about college is the social aspect. Most days, the only people I spend any time with are my family, who are great, I just miss people my own age. It's strange to come back to this place where I had so many friends and forged so many emotional connections, to find that most of them have flown away. I'm assistant directing and also acting in a play at one of the local community colleges at the director (my high school theatre teacher's) behest. Upon arriving at the campus yesterday I felt gripped with fear and anxiety; something akin to 'first day jitters,' but also overwhelmed with excitement just to engage with people in my own chronological demographic. Much to my surprise, however, community college is not just twenty-somethings and post-high school students, but people of all different ages, from running start high-school students to octogenarian learners. Which, in a lot of ways is really fascinating and cool, but not in the going out for beers after rehearsal kind of way, which I'm so desperately seeking. Not that, honestly, I have time for social interaction most days, that's the nature of the money-grubbing beast that is capitalism, but I do miss it. Which is why I would love to live with people my own age, so that I could squeeze in a little social interaction at those brief times when I'm not at work or rehearsal, without having to hunt down someone on whom I can force my companionship. One refreshing thing about "Almost, Maine" (the play I'm working on) is the big fish, small pond realization. Having just graduated from a highly competitive theatre program among truly proficient artists, it has been a long time since I felt talented, particularly in the acting department. Fresh off a community theatre rejection (that honestly didn't faze me very much, it comes with the theatrical territory,) at the first rehearsal, I was surprised to be given praise and compliments and support. Whether this show turns out to be a great opus or not, I anticipate it becoming a great community, which would be welcome. That's all for now, I guess. It's a slow day at my office job, but I should at least feign working.