Here is something I would like to get off my chest.
Honestly, when the conscious uncoupling of Gwyneth and Chris came out, I felt like it was sort of an unnecessary glimpse into their personal lives. They didn't owe anyone an explanation. But, I think I can see the point. For better or worse, our lives are on display online.
With that being said, I want to state that Dylan and I are separated. We are selling our house and are on the path to divorce.
Truthfully, it has been a long time coming.
Dylan and I met 8 years ago, and his addiction to alcohol has been a third party in our relationship at every turn. Booze is like a mistress. And unfortunately, no matter how much we love each other, our love isn't stronger than addiction.
Addiction fights dirty. It lies and it cheats and it turns humans into monsters. It locks the doors to the outside world and throws away the key. It nails the windows shut. It suffocates love and it blinds hope and it breaks trust. It is sneaky and deceitful. It is a chess master, in an endless gridlocked checkmate with those in its grasp and the people who love them.
The clanking of glass sends shivers down my spine. The sickly scent of stale wine breath chokes me. Finding bottles covered haphazardly by blankets ties my stomach in knots. And I guess I'm exhausted and I can't do it anymore.
We are trying to be cordial, but the feelings are messy. They spill out in untidy ways. I cry and I smile and I sigh and I sob and I yell and I laugh. The untangling of belongings is uneven and unsettling. Watching my vows and wedding photos disappear from our walls is heartbreaking. A conscious uncoupling is much more chaotic than cordial.
We're both hurting. We both need a friend.
When a heart breaks, no, it don't break even.
love
ReplyDelete